when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
