And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
