I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
