The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
