I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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