it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
