it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
