is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
