I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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