yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
