Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
