I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
