Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
