I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
