I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
