Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He passed out mid-signature
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
