How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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