Nicole vs. Life
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
