He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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