just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
