you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
