How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
