Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
