Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
