sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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