drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
