is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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