shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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