Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
