how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
