Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
