you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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