would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
