My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
