I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
