I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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