Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
