Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
