I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
