boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
