So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
