HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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