yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
They took my balls.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
