so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
