Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
