I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
