Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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