Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
