i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
