Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
