foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
